i should have thought of this sooner...
hmm. i should have made blogdrive my own outlet or venue for reflection (depending on the mood) for every single rotation i have. damnit. i just came from psychiatry. im not going to start talking about the patients i have encountered, but then i've had a few experiences i would have wished to debrief myself about. it had been one of the coolest and most interesting rotations i have had so far, i wish i could have put them on electronia so that id have something to go back to in the future.
so to start now...
im currently rotating in the community. not outreach programs nor health center...
Not a brekaing news that life sucks.
i've somehow always known that clerkship will be ugly for my social life, considering that my social life is already ugly as it is. i have always consciously reminded myself that this is a necessary pain for what i want to become in the future, and have consciously tried not to complain for whatever happens.
but i guess more than being conscious of trying to accept what clerkship is for it is, (trying is the operative word here), maybe i have just always been in denial. maybe i have always known, or have always believed to know that life will be ugly from day 1 of clerkship onwards... but i...
what a friday
im not happy right now but i got myself a bottle of vodka and some strawberry juice and am halfway through them and i feel at peace, so ill take it.
one lesson i have learned living a difficult life alongside difficult people, being a difficult person myself, is that when peace is there, take it.
take it goddamit. there is not much of it going around in the world so take it if it's there and savor it while you can because it's not there to last. no, not in a lifetime. because it's not meant to be. and it never will be.
Im currently listening to Zwan and The Smashing Pumpkins among other artists shuffled on my music player, getting my heart chipped off bit by bit until i have it totally broken enough that it actually hurts.
oh well. cheer up. there are probably others who have it worse. it's just a heartbreak, you know.