my last cry
So cliche. Really.
And so this is it. My last cry, I will not plead. I've been pleading eversince. It has got to stop. This is where it stops.
Maybe it's not just meant to be. Maybe things never fell into place, no matter how much we wanted them to fall into place.
I didn't want to be simple. Until I had you, I wanted us to be simple because I am complicated. I tried to change, but just as nature sheds it's leaves and blossom forth with it's real green, I just didn't, I just couldn't. I could be different when I'm with you, though, I could want the things you wanted. I would have....
I want to be found. But I don't want you to find me.
I've asked a lot of people to pray for me because I don't believe in prayers anymore. I don't believe in love and faith and hope. I don't believe in the goodness of people's hearts.
I want to be back to what I was fifteen months ago. I want to be bitter. I want to be cunning. I want to be an epitome of a learned woman. A woman of the world - indifferent, unhappy but damning the fates, challenging the gods. I don't want to be this silly and stupid and pathetic girl - lost and lonely and just...sad.
I don't want to be sad...
I'm trying. I'm trying to see a future other than a bleak one that I am seeing.
I'm mustering strength. Strength and resilience, so that I can go through this...hurt but not damaged.
I want to wake up from this very bad dream. A life without you after all this time is just a very bad dream. I want to wake up screaming and see you sleeping beside me again. Hold my hand above your heart and feel it beat my name. Open my eyes and see you look at me with tenderness and that oh-so familiar look of mischief.
I'm empty. After all, didn't we agree that you are the love of my life? It feels I...
My ears are bleeding Alanis.
And I never imagined when this whole journey began with DSP that I'd be listening to her songs of angst. Again.
So I'm drowning in Alanis' lament of Simple Together, wishing I can drown the words he last said to me.
"I thought we'd be happy together"
I really did. And I knew we were. I actually felt it, because I was, didn't know he wasn't.
And now, I don't really know if it's the penultimate end (I can hear aLien, screaming in my head how stupid I am), because this just has to be the end of it, I can't help but breathe a sigh of grief. A grief that's...