I've never written much about Matt -
only because it feels like words cannot possibly explain all of the random shit that pops in my head when I think about him.
I told him last night I was at this crossing in my life. I could either sit back and be comfortable with him - be 100% committed and never look back. OR, I could sever the ties we have with one another and figure it our from there. I told him that either way there was a probable chance I'd be happy with either choice. The problem is that I can't choose.
And he is so in love with me that he won't let go. Sometimes I wish he'd just let go so at least I could say he was...
it's been a long while my friends;
i just spent the last twenty minutes reading my old blogs on here. to be honest, i enjoyed them immensely. and on the topic of honesty - I hardly remember writing them, but I remember every feeling. I remember thinking every thought i mentioned on here. meaning it to the center of my being.
the funny thing is that i still feel the same for alex. i wrote over a year ago something along the lines of how it is possible (only for us) to love other people but still love each other the same amount. to have honest feelings for other people but always come back to one another. which is true so...
what the fuck.
Seriously, what the hell am I getting myself into?
And here I thought I was a SAP!
Nope. Paulie is using me as his rebound. And I totally know it. And I totally cannot let this slide, no matter how much i want to be as understanding as he claims me to be. He doesn't even know me anymore- I'm not even sure if he ever did.
Well, scratch that. At least he knows me well enough to know that I looooove compliments. And not just "You're hot" kind of stuff. I'm talking, "You're so intelligent, that's what attracted me to you. And now you just keep growing into a gorgeous woman." OH YEAH don't...
I just got done singing Bullet For My Valentine to my cat.
The band is back together!
And if you didn't realize that I got that straight from The Blues Brothers than you gotta go watch it.
My group, my weird little group, we're back together agian!
It's still never going to be the same. But last night, when all the "drama" went down, I was actually happy. It seemed to bring me closer to everyone. It felt like old times. It felt like we all loved each other even though we know all of us suck.
And that's what makes a friend.