Cleaning out the closet.|
I realize I've been so busy..... so busy trying to keep up with school, busy with work, busy with trying to set a career for myself that I'm happy and proud of, busy with being with Dave, busy with trying to just fit everyone but not really feeling like I'm accomplishing anything. Just busy. Busy so I wouldn't really have to stop and think about anything.
Because it's never good when I stop to think.
I'm a pack rat. I know. I admit it. I'm guilty of it and I'm not going to try to deny it. And I'm emotional (/irrational? no, emotional.) I'm often full of it. I feel the extremes. The...
It's hard to believe that it's almost been a year since it all started.
This time last year, I was still trying to get his attention. Wait. Scratch that. This time last year, I've gotten his attention, but I was still trying to feel him out.... see if I actually had a chance. I was still neck-deep in effed up emotions, licking my wounds from what I can only describe as not-at-all amicable separation from a boy I entrusted myself with for four years. After so many fuck-ups with the opposite sex, just from that summer alone, I never thought I could recover from it.
But here I am. Here we...
How do you react when you wake up in the middle of the night being choked out by your sleeping boyfriend? And when you ask him for an explanation when he actually wakes up, he has none to offer because he can't remember anything.
How am I suppose to sleep next to him now?
And suddenly, out of nowhere, it hit me.
You're not really there anymore.
After all those talks about how it would be like when it's all over, the reality is... they were all just talks. Just words. Empty promises we made ourselves believe to relieve the pain of the end.
And it was a rush. An overwhelming rush that came in the middle of the night while I was wrapped up in someone else's arms.
The pain of knowing I can't run to you anymore whenever I don't know what to do or how to calm down. Of knowing you're with someone else. Of knowing I gave so much of myself to you...
|Main blog:||G\'s Blog|
|Education:||High school, Some college, School of life|
|Religion:||Spiritual but not religious|
|Height:||5' 4" (163 cm)|
|Hair Style:||Wavy - Medium|
|Relationship Status:||Single - Involved|
|Sexual Preference:||Straight but curious|
|Astrological Sign:||Taurus (April 20 - May 20)|
|Smoking:||No. But not bothered by it|
|Liquor:||Social drinker. One or two|
|Your Home:||Live with parents|
|Biography/About:||Coasted along heaven and hell... and still going.|
|Dislikes:||airheads, hypocrites, close-minded idiots|
|Interests:||music, movies, sleep|